November 12, 2012

Pardon the cheesy title but that is what this is.

There will be days when all you want to do is stay in bed and spend the whole day crying. One day, I felt so bad, I had to go on an emergency leave. I knew I just couldn’t force myself to be productive anymore so I opted to stay at home. As if locking myself up in my room and crying my eyeballs out wasn’t enough, I couldn’t get myself to eat. Guess what brought me back to my senses? I opened my Bible to the book I was supposed to start reading on that day and here’s what I got:

“…why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?”
-1 Samuel 1:8

I cried some more for a little while after reading that verse – for another reason this time. I felt like Jesus was right in front of me saying, “Don’t I mean more to you than the relationship you just lost? Am I not enough reason for you to get on with life?” And He said this in a very gentle, entirely comforting manner, without any hint of impatience or condemnation.

I knew then that my season of mourning is about to end.

On that same day, I was enveloped by a glimpse of the fullness of His love and grace. In my mind was a picture of Him hanging on the cross, His arms spread wide, His silence despite the pain He is feeling enough to get His message across – “I love you this much.”

It was foolish of me to have forgotten that I am not unlovable; that I am not unloved; that it was for love of me that He exchanged His life for mine.

That love encounter was what got me through the next few hours that soon turned into days and then into months. That priceless moment was not only enough to push me out of bed and get on with life, it convinced me even more that my existence has and will always be about Him, for Him, in Him, through Him, by Him, because of Him – because He loved me first. And it was more than enough to get me to talk about how real He is even more.

As of this writing, I have already seen quite a number of faces light up when I tell of this story. This IS my love story – the story of Him and me.

There is a love song that I have grown to love so much. Also, I just finished reading Max Lucado’s It’s Not About Me. I find it fitting to end this entry with a quote from that beautiful, beautiful literary masterpiece and a video of a song by one of the worshipers I look up to.

“A season of suffering is a small assignment when compared to the reward. Rather than begrudge your problem, explore it. Ponder it. And most of all, use it. Use it to the glory of God. Through your problems and mine, may He be seen as well.”

Some more Lessons from a Beautiful Mess: