October 3, 2012
When we are hurting, our prayer will be for God to heal us. But when weeks pass and we still are in so much pain, we would start wondering if God is really doing something about our situation as if we do not know that He is the God who searches us and knows us; the God who knows when we sit and when we rise; the God who is able to perceive our thoughts from afar; the God who discerns our going out and our lying down; the God who is familiar with ALL our ways (Psalm 139:1-3).
On one of those days when I was asking God why I still am in so much pain when He has already promised that He will extend peace to me like a river (Isaiah 66:12a), He had the word “healing” resound in my head from the moment I left for the office. God does that to me every once in a while. He knows I learn best when He gives me clues and He lets me ponder on and figure things out with Him.
Later that afternoon, while I was doing some errands, I was asking Him why the word is stuck in my mind. The answer came not long after. The word healing is an action word but is in the present progressive form. This means that it cannot happen in an instant; that it’s an ongoing process. Healing takes time. Waiting for a wound to heal is, for the most part, uncomfortable. And painful.
In one of the preachings I’ve heard from back when I was in college, the pastor said this: “The only way to get past pain is to go through it.” This I have come to know as true.
For two weeks, there was not a night when I would cry myself to sleep. And yes, I counted the days. I counted the days because I knew His salvation was coming and I wanted to know how soon it would be for me. This was the Scripture that gave me peace even while I allowed myself to burst into tears each and every time:
“My righteousness draws near speedily,
my salvation is on the way,”
In my journey towards healing I have come to embrace the fact that the best way to defeat pain is to not fight at all. I’m still thankful for the person that God used to tell me that I shouldn’t give myself a deadline; that I have to allow the tears to fall; that I do not have to put up a strong front when I really am dying inside; that it’s okay not to be okay. After all, it is when we acknowledge our weakness that we find strength in Him. It is in our brokenness that we are drawn to His love even more.
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
-2 Corinthians 12:9
Some more Lessons from a Beautiful Mess: