August 13, 2012

We may find ourselves in a mess at some point, but He can always take it and turn it into something beautiful.

I was on a plane to Manila in May when I read Proverbs 17:27. It said, “A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.” Since then, I have been evaluating and re-evaluating my motives for writing about what happened three months ago. I can only thank God for generously showering me with so much grace that I managed, for countless times, to restrain myself from doing so because I knew it wouldn’t be edifying nor uplifting. It wouldn’t be true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy (see Philippians 4:8). It wouldn’t be written in the right spirit.

It was so tempting to use Scripture to prove that I was wronged. That wasn’t proper either. Fighting against the temptation nailed another point: “Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up (1 Corinthians 8:1)”. Anything that doesn’t build up isn’t of love. Anything that isn’t of love isn’t of Him.

At the height of the emotional turmoil, I read this: “We don’t allow ourselves to bow down to our emotions. Our emotions should bow down to God.” And so, every time I wanted to do something to fight back because of the hurt and the pain, I had to remind myself of the words of Paul: “I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize (1 Corinthians 9:27).”

I remember being told to take whatever I can glean from every season I am in. After the break-up, I got to talk to quite a number of women – students and young professionals alike – who are emotionally unwell due to undefined, unhealthy, and/or failed relationships. This, then, gave birth to my desire to put into writing every mental note I made while going through the process of healing, praying that it would bring wisdom to the confused, encouragement to the discouraged, and hope to those who feel like all hope is lost.

I wrote this song in tears a few days after the two-month relationship (the first relationship I ever had) ended. Singing it today puts a smile on my face. Indeed, everything He allows us to go through brings us closer to Him.

 Beyond the Rain

I woke up one day
hoping I’ll find
Clearer skies, a brighter morning
that the storm has passed me by

But I heard nothing but raindrops
Lightning’s flashing, thunder’s roaring
The wind blowing so hard is telling me


That today,
isn’t the day just yet
But tomorrow will come
And so I will wait


For the storm to pass,
for the rain to go away
Behind the rain, behind the pain
You’re making something new

Through the rain, and through the pain
I know Your love will see me through
Beyond the rain, beyond the pain
I know
I will see You

beautiful mess

Some more Lessons from a Beautiful Mess:

Walls Down
Fighting Pain
My Love Story