Somewhere in the Middle

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You’re making me
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You’ll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You’re by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I’m caught in the middle

Desert Song

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire
And weakness or trial or pain
There is faith proved more worth than gold
So refine me lord through the faith

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I’ll stand

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and he is here

And this is my prayer in the harvest
And favor and providence flow
I know I’m filled to be empties again
The seed I receive I will sow

Music of My Heart

I came up with this song about a month ago. This was when I felt like the music that I am singing for Him didn’t sound right and no matter how I tuned my guitar, it seemed to give off the wrong notes. I felt bad. I felt like what I was offering Him was substandard. I longed to give Him the best because that is what He deserved. In my desperation, He reminded me of 1 Samuel 16:7. “For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.”

When the music seems so loud
and the words are coming out empty
Lord I know You hear beyond the sound

When the song I sing for you
Seem so out of tune
Lord I know You see what’s in my heart

Still I will sing to You
Lord I will sing to You
I will give You praise
to You my voice I raise

I will sing to You
Lord I will sing to You
I will praise You Lord
with the music of my heart

When praising you just feels so hard
Still I will sing for You
Lord I know You see beyond what they see in me

Still I will sing to You
Lord I will sing to You
I will give You praise
to You my voice I raise

I will sing to You
Lord I will sing to You
I will praise You Lord
with the music of my heart

Coda:

I will sing with all my heart
I will praise with all my heart
I will worship you with all that I am
And Lord I will, I will make music with my heart

Uncertain Yet Untroubled

Life is full of uncertainties. But we need not be troubled.

I once talked with a friend about the future. We were mostly daydreaming then. And then I asked, “Would you prefer that you knew what the future holds?” His answer was a resounding no. He said life would be too boring if that was the case.

It has been two years since that conversation and much has changed. We grew up… matured might be the more appropriate term. We talked about what we wanted to happen but then things did not turn out the way we dreamed it would. Our wants from back then faded through and changed with time. It’s funny how we want something to happen so badly at a particular time and become convinced that we don’t want it to happen at all in another.

I have always been amazed by the fact that there is a future to look forward to. I’m amazed by how many tomorrows there still are and how fast todays happen and how yesterdays continue to fill our memories without really filling them up to the brim. There is one thing I have learned through time though. I realized that when you become too anxious about taking a peak at tomorrow, you will miss the beauty of today, and end up wallowing in regret about the yesterdays that have been wasted.

“Today is a gift. That is why it is called ‘present’.” We should live our lives one day at a time. We should forget the former things and not dwell on the past. And we should face life’s uncertainties with the hope of God living in our hearts.

God has plans of prosperity and hope for us. Our future is totally in His hands so we need not worry. The uncertain should motivate us to go on, to look to the future, and to be excited about what God has in store for us.

I am ending this entry with a beautiful quote:

“Neither go back in fear and misgiving to the past,
nor anxiety and forecasting to the future;
but lie quiet under His hand,
having no will but His.” ~H.E. Manning

…there’s color everywhere

This is the best thing I can come up with to get this blog (somehow) updated. This will contain bits and pieces of what has happened to be the past few days.

No, I won’t be posting the lyrics of some local love song, it that is what you had in mind when you read the title. I just thought it would be fun to use colors when I tell tales. I have talked to people who thought my life is dull. This one should give them a hint that it is, actually, colorful. (Yes, I am trying to sound creative. It would be understandable if you thought it isn’t creative sounding at all. I am writing this with an unsound creative mind.)

So, on with the colors.

Black. My college arts professor was the first person who told me that black is not a color and so are white and gray. I am including it just because. A box of crayons isn’t complete without the black crayon on it after all. The account would be incomplete if I do not include this.

This is Harry. I got him two weeks ago.

And this is the black bag that is intended to contain Harry while I am out and about. I know I still will be using it without Harry on it though. I got this one today.

White. I’ve already said it. This is not a color. This is so lame but I can still tell you about the box of crayons.

Mushu is now extra fun to be with. He’s a sweet, sweet dog and he sure got me through the sickness I had last week.

Pink and orange.

These are the very things that have kept me alive (pink: erithromycin, orange: biogesic). The swollen tonsils began effecting annoyance on me in the evening of June 10. Later that night, I was already having chills. I decided to go to bed hoping that it would all go away in the morning. I dreamed that I was really, really sick and when I woke up, my temperature has gone really, really high. I stayed in bed the whole day Thursday and Friday. I was only able to get out of the house on Saturday evening. I was not able to attend the leaders’ meeting and planning and was not able to sing with the team on Sunday too. The only thing I got to do was to push through with the cell group meeting I scheduled earlier in the week.

Purple and blue.

I bought a new devotional notebook/journal yesterday and it matches my Bible. Also, I use a blue pen to write on it and a purple marker to highlight important verses on my Bible.

That would be all for now. The other colors will have to come later. I still have some work to do.

Obscurity

Distorted realities.

Unlikely realizations.

Broken trusts.

Relationships examined.

Lines drawn.

Bridges crossed.

And some bridges,

they will have to be burned.

Under Construction, I am

Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.

~Isaiah 64:8~

Every human being is God’s workmanship. Everything in me is His.

I took a temperament quiz earlier today. It had 5 questions on it. I took it even though I already had an idea what the result would be. I guess I just needed something to back that particular knowledge up.

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm – easily excited by many things.Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life. You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon. Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall. You’re an instantly passionate person – and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults. Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion. A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

Temperament quiz results may define who you are in the flesh, but they should not define who you are in Christ. As long as we are in our human form, there will always be imperfections. Scripture likens us to clay – formless – until the Potter takes us and molds us into something beautiful, useful.

When you get to know yourself better, you will find it easy to harness your strengths and slowly have your weaknesses eliminated. Of course, it wouldn’t be that easy. And it would take some time. Actually, it would take your entire lifetime. When people would look at you and wonder why you aren’t the person you are supposed to be in Christ, remember that God is not yet finished with you.

God is not yet finished with me. I am, as of the moment, still under construction.

Reflections (on Ezekiel Chapter 4)

“3…turn your face toward it. It will be under siege, and you shall besiege it. This will be a sign to the house of Israel.”

The promise of revival is true. The harvest is plentiful. There are a lot of people waiting for answers and explanations. The people of the Lord are supposed to be reaching the lost. But only a few are willing to forsake their own desires to join the others in working for the cause of Christ.

I have often prayed that God would grant me that unwavering passion for God and compassion for people. As of the moment, I believe that what I have just isn’t enough. I am not yet bold enough to face rejection. I am not yet courageous enough to just bring the Gospel into conversations with unbelievers. I am not being who I’m supposed to be and I apparently am not doing what I’m supposed to do. And then God gives me this: “..being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus(Philippians 1:6).”

Of this I am sure, it is only by the grace of God  that I will be able to do what He wants me to do. As of the moment, I shall be holding on to the fact that because I have surrendered myself to Him, He will use whatever He finds in me for His glory and for His purpose.

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Untitled

I came up with this song on Saturday night (March 28). It was one of those times when I felt really exhausted and depressed. The week was a tough one as it made me face the realities of life… and death. I still do not know what to call this song but it is, in itself, complete. I cannot just yet post the recorded version but I will do sometime soon.

In the darkness
You are my light
and knowing that You’re here with me
I know I can always stand secure

In pain and sorrow
You are my strength
and knowing that You’re here with me
I know I can always stand and fight

Pre-chorus:

I will stand and fight the fight of faith
and though I know it won’t be easy
I will cling unto Your promise
that You will never, ever leave me

Chorus:

I will run and not grow tired
I will walk and not be faint
I will soar on wings like eagles
And I will never be afraid
I will put my hope in You
Knowing that Your Word is truth
I am strong when I’m at my weakest
‘Coz Lord I know Your love is there to see me through

Bridge:

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
There is none that I will fear
For You make my paths clear